“What do you mean that you have pastoral gifts?

“What would you even do in a church?”

“There’s an opening for a church secretary. Do that!”

“Maybe you should get your counseling degree.”

These are all questions and thoughts I’ve fielded in the past 10 years, so I thought I’d record a few of my thoughts on what I bring to vocational church ministry as a woman.

(Note: this explanation is for those who interpret scripture as limiting preaching and elder roles to men. In short, for those I’ve gone to church with my whole life. Other interpretations open up preaching and eldership to women–and I can understand those viewpoints as well. I’m simply addressing the former perspective in this post.)

I once asked a PCA pastor friend if he thought women could be lower-case P pastors. His response was: of course! What does it mean to pastor someone? What does it mean to be a shepherd? Personally I love the concept of being a shepherdess. It means you teach. You exhort. You encourage. You facilitate. You read, study, and absorb the word of God to better understand it and you take it to people. You create opportunities for learning and for growing. You help build souls. You enter into lives and grieve with others, serve others, connect others, feed and water them. 

Preachers preach. And some only preach. In the context of complementarian churches, only men are invited to preach. I’m not arguing with this (at least in this blog post). In complementarian churches, only men are invited to sit on elder boards. And I’m not arguing with this either (at least not in this blog post). Everything else is open to women. Even in complementarian churches.

I already do shepherding tasks. I’ve received training, both in professional contexts and in my denomination’s seminary–and I am eager to work with and for the institutional church. And I want to get paid for it.

That last tidbit is hard for some of my loved ones to swallow. “If you really loved the church why wouldn’t you work for free?”

Ready for this? Because that is unfair. It’s unjust to expect women to work for free when they are gifted, skilled, tested, and have bills to pay.

Women are free to be veterinarians and we know they run fantastic practices. For pay.
Women are bankers. Educators. Surgeons. Zookeepers.
Women are encouraged to run for office. You vote for them.
Women are welcomed into seminary.
They are trained.
They can get MDivs even in conservative places.
But somehow folks want to draw the line at paying a woman to work in a ministry context?
No. That is not right.

So, back to “what would you do?”

I’d provide counseling from a pastoral perspective.
I’d teach the bible to anyone I’d be allowed to teach.
I’d build and develop programs aimed at discipling believers.
I’d improve communication between staff and congregants.
I’d want to shepherd the sheep the Lord has given us.
In short, I would pastor.
In this context, I would not preach.

Know what my first real job was when I turned 16? I worked in the church office and I learned from the incredible pastors, elders, deacons, teachers, and youth group leaders that God surrounded me with.

I went to our denominational youth leadership camp for years. (They were training ministry leaders. But now, as a women in her 40’s I’m confused about what opportunities they were actually training us for!)

I began to lead youth group as soon as I graduated from it and it was my absolute JOY to love my middle school girls.

In fact, I adored them so much that I graduated with my bachelors of science in education for middle grades. All the while that I was in college I was focused on ministry as well. An upperclassmen female commended me for speaking up in our youth ministry class as “girls usually don’t speak.” I’ll never forget how surprised I felt that she saw me as brave for raising my hand and asking questions. (This speaks very poorly of how women often feel within our denomination.)

I graduated and immediately went back to working in the church office again. This time, though I continued to provide support at the front desk, I also had the opportunity to receive pay as Children’s Ministry Coordinator. I spent a few years volunteering as co-chair of the Nursery Committee just as we were getting ready to build a brand new nursery. I continued with my youth ministry work for free. And even after the church hired a man to do youth ministry, I worked for free. I finally realized that I was still doing his job and then I exited the program quickly, my sense of inequality only beginning to be developed.

Even after I made the my choice to become at a stay-at-home mom, I worked again administrating the start of a church plant. I got paid for 5 hours a week and sometimes worked twenty. I only stepped away from that position in frustration when it was clear I wasn’t part of the ministry team the way I wanted to be.

My denomination can be a boys club. Scratch that. It *is* a boys club. Much like the old golf courses for men only, the rooms where decisions happen in my denomination is almost always exclusively male.

Elders meetings are for men.

Presbytery meetings are for men. (I’ve both been told “why would you want to come?!” and “you can come sit by me” by pastors when I’ve asked about these regional meetings.)

The country-wide meeting of my denomination is attended by female ministry workers and wives, but you can only vote if you are a man.

See where I’m going with this? We have largely male-dominated spaces because only men can preach and only men can be elders. But guess what? It’s not only men that are called to ministry.

In the spaces I’m in, women have to be invited by a man. Ministry jobs are few and far between, but the doors to that work are opened by men. The job descriptions must be written by men, voted on by men (elders), and then approved by those same men. Women cannot walk into paid ministry work here without an express invitation.

I’ve recently been studying Galatians with a small group of women and I’m more convinced than ever that I have been set free to follow Christ. If I quit following his call on my life–out of fear or out of exhaustion–then I am willingly walking behind prison bars again: It is for freedom that you have been set free!… There is neither Jew nor Gentile, slave nor free, male or female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.

I am going to minister to others. The Lord has heard my cries, my desires, my hopes. He made me and established his purposes within me to serve  him and shepherd his people. I’d love to serve him in a church context, but the best thing is to see what doors he wants to open for me. I’ve been set free–beautifully so–and I will follow my Savior where he leads.