What 43 year old Rebecca would tell Newlywed Rebecca about the holidays:

Hello there!

Do you remember crying for no reason during the month of December as a kid? Well, hang in there cuz those feelings won’t really go away. You will feel both love and struggle when the holidays roll around—but don’t worry, you’ll soon realize that’s pretty normal and it’s okay. Your personality will want to decorate beautifully and host with great warmth and prepare all the yummy seasonal cookies and dishes to share. You’ll also want to donate to every charity under the sun, you’ll feel badly when you pass those Salvation Army bell ringers without putting something in the bucket, and you will **never** want to be pressured to buy a generic gift from a box store. So basically, if you want to enjoy the gift-giving process, start early, girlfriend. But that other stuff? Let’s talk.

You won’t be able to do it all. Truly, no one can. So pick what you love doing the most and enjoy the heck out it. If you want to host, make sure guests bring something to share because you will not be happy if you have to clean to host, prepare ALL the food, and then entertain everyone during the event. Internally you will refer to this as “The Rebecca Show” and you will wonder why you killed yourself so everyone else could have a good time. You are an extrovert and will put on a song and dance in the moment, so just stop before you start and enjoy a few small moments instead. Quit making Christmas cookies because you don’t like them anyhow. Do it for your kid but not because you think it’s the right way to live in the month of December. Don’t sign up for a cookie exchange with anyone—it’s not your thing, let it go. And when you have a little bit of expendable income, go buy a variety of treats from a local bakery. The two things you really should nail down are these: 1) figure out what charities you and Jeremy want to donate to and 2) figure out who you’d like to serve this month. Playing Santa to a family in need or making treat plates for church elders or college kids will be one of your very favorite things to do. Make sure you have energy reserved for such things.

Note that you do not have a lifelong commitment to Christmas decor. You don’t have to keep something that someone gave you or passed down to you. (Marie Kondo will help you figure this out.) However, what may appear to be a ratty Christmas tree in Year 2 could turn out to be a very sweet and sentimental and adored tree in Year 22. Life is weird like that. Buy new decor items on sale right after Christmas, give away what doesn’t bring you joy anymore, and move on with your life. Some of the most cherished pieces in your home will be made by your daughter’s small hands–and other homemade items will be saved but never put up again. That’s okay, too.

Finally, you will probably never settle into a fantastic Advent routine and you’re going to have to be okay with that. I’m going to go ahead and suggest something and it’s that Advent is a little overblown in your circles. I’ve written about how Advent is about remembering something that the Christian celebrates every day and it is the truth that Jesus came to earth to save us from our sins. It’s a reality fully connected with the great news of Easter where we serve a risen Savior. This is your daily grace. This is your daily rhythm as a Christian and come what may in December… whether you have enough money or not, whether you are sick this month or not, whether you decorate beautifully or you can’t bear to put up the lights, whether you’re fostering a newborn or grieving your infertility in a month of expectation, JESUS IS RISEN. Your Advent traditions and reflections are just that. They are moments for introspection and while they should be encouraged, they will never achieve the heights of the gospel that you embrace day by day. Instead of being beholden to traditions, try to be present instead and rest in the truth that Jesus adores you and died for you and thinks your life is important.

Merry Christmas, you pretty young thang. God is faithful and will carry you. Your task will be choosing to remain faithful to him through this crazy life of yours.