My birthday.

It’s good to be alive.

I’m not good at slowing down. I resist it or feel like it must be a selfish move to sit and read quietly in the morning. I confess this out loud because it’s a wrongheaded way to look at life. I think of how, not so long ago, people would sit and read a newspaper with a cup of coffee in the morning. Folks who kept the home might always be prepared to entertain a neighbor with hot tea and a slice of cake from the fridge. This notion of hurryhurryhurry is absurd, and perhaps it’s a tiny act of rebellion against such thoughts to read a book after the kid is dropped off at school, or look at the Christmas tree for several minutes alone and enjoy the lights. I rush and rush, if not physically then for sure mentally, but the fast-paced lifestyle is not truly what I want.

I wish Advent felt like a really relaxing season of life for me, but it never does. It’s a piling of more expectations upon normal life, and oftentimes I’ll find my soul feeling incredibly stifled by this reality. So again, can a cup of hot tea be a rebellion? Can a moment with God in scripture be a pushing back against this norm I’ve chosen for myself? I think so.

I don’t expect to overcome all my old patterns and tendencies because I’ve written this blog post. But I can at least attempt to search for boundaries and broaden the margins of my December existence. Here’s to slowing down and noticing. Here’s to enjoying the beauty around us. Lord, give us eyes to see it and a heart that desires you.

There’s just nothing like dragging a tripod out front to get a shot of yourself shoveling snow! I made sure to attempt it after my neighbors had left for work. #dpp2018

Let me tell you how easy this DPP will be. None easy, that’s how much.

It’s one thing to hold up a little phone and snap shots of yourself in interesting locations, but self-portraiture is going to challenge me. And that might be an understatement. First thing, I’m already flinching at looking at more pictures of myself. This is totally a mental game! Who knew?! But second, there’s a lot of technicalities involved in taking self portraits with a professional camera—and so I’m going to learn a lot this month I believe.

Day 2, done. Only 23 more days to go. Guess who I’m shooting tomorrow? Me. And the day after? Also me. I totally understand if you quit following along…

Last thing to point out, I attempted a smiling photo today for my mother and all the others in her generation who think to themselves, “Now, why doesn’t that lovely girl smile instead of looking all moody?” So here’s the smiling shot. But… it’s hard to smile for myself. Especially on the 82nd shot. And then the critical inner voice while editing is a BEAST. Whoa. So while this particular DPP challenge may at first glance seem unreasonably vain, I assure you, I’m not doing this because I like my face. In fact, I’m going to try to keep liking myself in spite of this challenge. Hoo boy.

Here’s to growing through challenges! Happy December, everyone.