I love these people! This is us getting a bit giggly at the end of our [miniscule] photo shoot. Now that I’ve got my tripod game figured out there’s no excuse not to have something to frame for the grandmas! Here’s one of the extras from our brief foray out in the Nebraska wind two days before Christmas.

Rebecca has been coming over to help me wrap Christmas presents since 2011.

That makes me want to cry!

A few weeks ago I considered writing something on Facebook about how, if you have a neighbor who is elderly or has a physical ailment, you should go help them during the holiday season. Putting up lights or other decorations, scooping snow, running to the store, and yes, even wrapping presents, can be very difficult for someone slowed down by body problems. But let me tell you something about 2018… I didn’t worry at all about the gifts that piled up in Jeremy’s office (hidden from one particular 14 year old), and that was because I knew Rebecca was coming.

This friend is a light to me, and not just on our designated wrapping session every year. She is a breath of fresh air, a beautiful soul, and a joy to watch as she grows and changes. Rebecca, I love you! Thanks for using your strong arms and perfect wrapping skills to bless my family.

Aaaaaaand today was the day I wanted to give up.

Tired of being creative, tired of being vulnerable, tired of looking at myself. So tired of looking at myself! I thought, “Well, sixteen days was it. That was a nice run.”

But I really hate quitting. I’m competitive, even with myself, and I may produce garbage from here on out, but I’m going to finish this project. At first glance, 25 images doesn’t seem like much. Years of doing the DPP have taught me that it’s harder than you think it is, even when you’re not doing something as ridiculously challenging as self-portraits.

By far the biggest challenge is my internal voice. Ones on the Enneagram are aware of the critical inner voice they live with—and knowing so many Ones, I’d say it’s a brutal dictator. But I’m a Two! And even us Twos hear voices when we’re working hard at something. I hope to write something when this project is over about being a people-pleaser, and as it turns out, even now I’m struggling to maintain my own artistic creativity OVER the imaginary voices I hear. The toughest one has been a voice that says I’m vain to attempt this project at all. That’s the meanest voice and I have to constantly squash it to keep moving forward. But I’ve also concocted a voice that says all my work is elementary art student material, not up to snuff, and that it’s expected. Boring. Obvious. Not inspired. I mean, WHAT. Why in the world am I tormenting myself?! It’s my project. It’s my choice. It’s my art.

So forward I go. I really do not know what the next week will yield as I feel creatively tapped, but I do think it’s important to keep pushing on especially when you think you have nothing left to create. The biggest lie is to believe that art only comes when you’re inspired. There are simply too many days in between inspirational moments that I don’t want to lose.

Onward.