All it takes is a few little seeds, some soil, sun and water and there you go, a garden. Sometimes I’m amazed by the fact that we have jars full of zinnias, black-eyed susans and, er, these cute little purple guys in our house—and that they grew from such little effort. Livia and I planted seeds last spring and watched our baby plants grow. We transplanted them into the beds Jeremy constructed and we’ve all been surprised by the tenacity of the seedlings. Two “Sweets,” William and Peas to be exact, are now thriving despite looking like they were already dead two days after the transplant. The cosmos are growing though we have yet to see flowers, and our sunflowers? Well, apparently bunnies (DEAD bunnies if we see them again) like sunflowers, too. And these are just our seedlings. Jeremy’s done an amazing job with moving perennials around and planting new varieties of annuals in the midst of the plants from previous years.

Gardening is better, not to mention cheaper, than therapy. By simply walking out to our compost pile and taking notice of the height of our fountain grass or the new leaves on the redbud, my pulse slows and breaths deepen. Something about the wind and flowers and sunshine soothes the soul.

Speaking of quiet time (see comments from yesterday’s post). After quiet time a few days ago, I walked into Liv’s room and discovered her in this exact position. Ninety degree + humidity weather is no time for tight-wearing, but Livia had discovered the basket full of socks on her dresser—and used the bear pillow pictured to reach said basket—and tight-wearing she was. I think I initially said something like, “Oh. Nice outfit!” and then she pointed to the black tights on her head and told me that they didn’t fit. I wanted to point out that the white tights didn’t fit either (the crotch was at her knees when she stood up) and that her solution for the black tights was perfect, but I was so delighted by her getup that I grabbed my camera and called Jeremy in instead.

I love the way little kids dress. LOVE it. As a parent, it’s fun to step out of the way and let your kid get creative.

The length of our days has increased lately. Somehow the hours between 8am and 8pm have lengthened and by the time we put Livia to bed at night, I feel like I’ve run a few marathons. I’m thinking this strange phenomena has something to do with summer vacation, extended daylight hours, and a four year old who prefers Mommy as her constant playmate. These marathon days have stretched me—sometimes I have stepped up to the challenge (thinking, only 45 minutes until bedtime!) and sometimes I have collapsed under the weight of feeling like a director of activities on a cruise ship. Last Friday was a day of collapse where I woke up feeling overwhelmed before the day even began. I cried on the phone to Renae, then called my favorite pinch hitter, my mom, who came to my rescue. After sleeping three and a half hours and feeling like I had hit rock bottom, life got easier. I needed to step back from the swirling emotions that overwhelmed me to realize that a few changes needed to be made, both with my expectations of myself and of my days with Livia. Superwoman, or even competitive marathon runner, I am not.

I’d like to write a tidy blog post on how I’ve learned to balance my days, how I’ve realized the value of community and of asking for help, how I’ve finally learned that God gives grace when I need it. But I’d be exaggerating a happy ending for the sake of a writing exercise. I still feel a huge need to balance the dishes and the laundry, my child’s academic future and her need for boundaries, my work with Redeemer and my evenings with my husband… In fact, while thinking of all I need to do, I get a tightness in my chest. But somehow rational thoughts must overcome the ever-present to-do list. Life is more than finding a balance. It has less to do with checking items off a list and more to do with glorifying God in each moment. So as I sit and write, ignoring the junk pile to my right that demands organization, I’ll seek to find joy amidst the mess. I’ll try to walk the marathon(s) today and not try to figure out how to make it through tomorrow’s race quite yet.

At the same time, I’ll continue to look forward to preschool this fall, shorter days, and, if God sees fit, a sibling and playmate for Livia.

Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things [food, clothing, etc] will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:33-34

This is my favorite shot from the Sunken Gardens. I love the contrast of Liv’s modern flip flop against the ancient looking stone bench. Her little foot in this photo, complete with patriotic toenails by Mrs. Wittmann, will always remind me of the summer when she was four.

I took a lot of photos at the Sunken Gardens, so I’ll continue to plug away at posting them. Our trip to the garden rounded out Flower Week and conveniently tucked into Bug Week. Speaking of bugs, one made his pictorial debut in this shot.

Aside from this brief moment of blogging, I’ve spent the entire evening reading Infidel by Ayaan Hirsi Ali. Fascinating reading—my mind is bursting at the seams. I’m sure to have a few nightmares tonight, but in the waking moments between them I’ll try to remind myself of how grateful I am to live in the United States of America. Between watching HBO’s John Adams just prior to the Fourth of the July and reading this novel, I am finding that terms like liberty and equality mean much more than the lighthearted, cliched definitions I’ve ascribed to them over the years.

Here’s another shot from last week’s visit to the Sunken Gardens.
Today has been a long, frustrated parenting kind of day.
I’m pooped out.
That’s all for now.

Water Lilies

I just deleted the paragraph that preceded my book lists. Ugh. Don’t you hate it when you have to re-think, re-type, re-edit the same exact post?

I started out 2008 with the goal of reading three books per month, then sharing my reading list with the blogging world. (Though now I’m questioning the sanity of such a decision, particularly after reading McMurtry’s latest novel which was overtly sexual and not worthy of recommendation. Oh for the days of Lonesome Dove, one of my favorite books of all time.) The last time I posted was also the first time I posted: back on February 1st.

In the interest of following through on this project, here’s what I’ve been reading for the last few months. I’m including my GoodReads ratings here (5 is the highest score attainable) in lieu of writing summaries for books I read some time ago.

February
Atonement by Ian McEwen (4)
A Game of Thrones by George R.R. Martin (3)
A Clash of Kings by George R.R. Martin (3)

March
Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka (5)
A Storm of Swords by George R.R. Martin (3)
A Feast for Crows by George R.R. Martin (2)

April
The Worst Hard Time by Timothy Egan (4)
The Boleyn Inheritance by Philippa Gregory (3)

May
Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen (4)

June
When the Light Goes by Larry McMurtry (1)
Twilight by Stephenie Meyer (3)
New Moon by Stephenie Meyer (2)

While we wait and pray for an addition to our family, Liv takes full advantage of playing big sister to her cousin and baby neighbor. We loved having Madeleine around all last week. It was fun to see the girls play together and encourage one another; they also squabbled like siblings if one accidentally, or purposefully, touched another. Simon, or Bugaboo as Liv calls him, has become a big baby now. His days in the NICU seem almost like a dream that never really occurred.