It’s very strange to recognize that your life is changing before your eyes. My life is changing… in a very undesired, uncomfortable, challenging manner… and there’s not much I can do about it. I’m in this period of waiting where I have very few answers, lots of questions and even more bizzare symptoms. The worst thing, in all this struggle, is to see the pain and the hidden grief in my parents’ eyes. They hate this as much as I do, perhaps more. I can only imagine what it’s like to give birth to a child, raise her the best you can, and then see her hit with two autoimmune disorders. Good grief — as if the diabetes isn’t enough for one person to manage — arthritis too?

I go see my rheumatologist next Tuesday and I pray that he has lots of wisdom to offer my situation. I’m just so tired of this… tired of the pain, tired of limping around on sore feet and painful knees, tired of not being able to sleep well, tired of pricked fingers that don’t heal right, tired of feeling discouraged each day.

Life is changing and I’m along for the ride. But praise the Lord, others are along for the ride as well and I am far from alone in this. My parents, already mentioned, have been incredibly supportive and generous. I know they would trade places with me in a heartbeat if they could. The compassion and support given to me by my office has been a huge blessing as well… Twice this week I’ve gotten teary over their kindnesses. And my husband… I don’t even know where to begin regarding his love and care for me. Actually, I won’t record it here — it’s one of those things too precious to share with the world, rather I’ll keep it to myself. God has blessed me AMAZINGLY by partnering me with this man over five years ago.

I find it somewhat therapeutic to write this for my blog. No doubt the content is awkward for some to read, but oh well! It’s my life and my space on the web. So there! ; )