On a gloriously warm Saturday a few weeks ago, Jeremy and I joined our neighbors out back in emancipating our yards from winter’s hold. Pulling weeds, pulling annoyingly long perennials (see pic), filling trashcan upon trashcan for Wednesday morning’s waste removal… Good stuff. There is much to be said for living next door to FRIENDS and the wonderful investments of a shared community, especially when your houses are as close as ours are! We’re looking forward to planting our garden soon. This year our houses (affectionally dubbed “the Shire” — will it stick?) will share garden plots and divide up the fruits of our labors come warmer months. Last summer we were swimming in cucumbers and tomatoes, so I think the shared garden is a brilliant idea.

Today is an interactive blog day. If you’ve never made your presence known before, welcome to my site and feel free to drop a comment or two!

So today, right now, this moment, what are you grateful for?

Girlfriend, this song makes me think of you. Consider it a “Born to Fly” blogging dedication on this day we celebrate 26 years of Charity Lynn Throener! In the words of Sara Evans (and folks, sing along — this song isn’t meant to be read as a serious soliloquy):

I’ve been telling my dreams to the scarecrow
About the places that I’d like to see
I say, “friend do you think I’ll ever get there?”
Oh, but he just stands there smilin’ back at me
So I confessed my sins to the preacher
About the love I’ve been prayin’ to find
Is there a brown-eyed boy in my future, yeah
And he says, “girl, you’ve got nothin’ but time.”

Oh, How do you wait for heaven?
And who has that much time?
And how do you keep your feet on the ground
When you know, that you were born?
You were born, yeah, you were born to fly

Okay, so I’ve had a lot of free time this week. For those of you who are interested, I just started some meds to help rid my body of its crazy inflammatory arthritis. The start of the week saw me in a position of pain and incompetence, the end sees me healing up and starting to get well (no small thing, praise the Lord!). I’m basically taking a homebound vacation from work and that explains the loads of free time spent blogging and commenting (and the need for a good book).

Comment #1 about “American Idol”:
Jeremy and I watched much of the audition clip show aired earlier this week and I was horrified, horrified! to hear this type of phrase uttered by many contestants: “Yeah, I’m kinda nervous. This is the first time I’ve ever done this.” What? You mean that the first time you’ve ever auditioned for a singing role is in front of nationally-known celebrities? ARE YOU CLINICALLY INSANE? You think you can sing, not to mention become America’s next pop idol, and you’ve never tried out for a) an elementary school talent show, b) a junior high choir, c) a senior high musical or d) a community theater performance? Never??? All of a sudden, when a multitude of cameras are present and the entire nation has access to your audition tape, you think you can sing? Oh. My. Goodness. Something is very wrong with these people. I’m stopping myself just short of saying, You deserve to be laughed at!

Comment #2 about “American Idol”:
I’m wondering if a campaign exists to elect redheaded high schooler John Stevens as the next American Idol. Last night the unthinkable happened… The top three performers were the receivers of the least amount of votes — and one of the show’s best singers, Jennifer Hudson, was voted off. Maybe this is due in part to people like me who watch the program but don’t vote. If so, AI is bound to crack and fall apart this season. Personally, I think it’d be hysterical for the viewing public to vote the worst singer (John Stevens) as #1. Can you imagine the response from the judges, not to mention the producers?? Ha!

John-boy needs to go back to school. The kid sure mimics old schoolers pretty well, but face it — he can’t hold a note to save his life. The other youngsters, Jasmine and Diana, belt out their songs with the best of young Broadway performers but they are definitely lacking maturity. You can just imagine them singing all the plum roles in their high school musicals. George Huff is an excellent performer but he doesn’t stand a chance against the (formerly) three left. Poor poor Jennifer Hudson… Her dismissal was so unfair. Hopefully she’ll get some good opportunities out of this crazy deal. Here’s to Fantasia and LaToya as the final two! My opinion may change, but I think Fantasia’s the best. Not that I’m voting or anything…

Here’s the petition: I need a good book STAT. So if you live in Lincoln and own a decent fiction or biographical non-fiction book, please let me borrow it soon! My brains are rotting away and all the books on our shelves look unappealing. I’ll be home tonight… Bring me a book!

On April 8, Adam and Kristin stopped by the church office to give me a few little “gifts” from their trip to New York City. I was pretty excited because I had meant to beg my big brother for a souvenir and had forgotten to do so. I opened the first package — a yellow taxi magnet, a perfect NYC memento. I then opened the second package… and out came a marriage certificate for Adam Lawton and Kristin Longacre from Manhattan. What the…?!!? The jumping up and down and teary eyes commenced and I was hugely excited and happy and joyous and did I mention excited? It was best surprise EVER! I have loved Kristin for years and considered her my sister-in-law, but the official news of her new last name just cemented things in such a beautiful way.

April 7, 2004 — an important and joyous day from here on out… Congratulations, Adam and Kris. I love you guys! You’ve made me a very happy little sister.

*This picture was taken at the Green Gateau during our impromptu Lawton wedding dinner after my parents were told the good news. (For the record, A&K told the folks while at work. Mom cried… no surprise there.) They called Andrew on his cell phone before the meals came to the table. It was such a bonding time where I realized the beauty of belonging to one another — what a blessing to be a part of this family.

I love my bed with deep deep devotion. I am a girl who adores sleeping, who considers it highly offensive to be told, “Get up! You’ve gotten enough sleep already!” [thus saith Mom, early high school years]. All Lawton kids seemed to go through the same stage during our teen years… we slept. And slept. And slept as if sleep could somehow ease our bodies through that transition from adolescence to adulthood. I think of various sheets and blankets with great fondness as they have contributed to peaceful, comfortable sleep situations in my life (the latest of which is my delicious down comforter and cream-colored duvet cover).

It is with great disgust that I have not slept well in at least two weeks. It is with much dismay that I find myself surfing, blogging!!, in the wee hours of the morn. ARGH! My formerly delightful bed has turned into an object of great discomfort and I cannot stand to spend more than a few hours at a time in it (sob!). This sleep-interruption is perhaps the worst symptom of my current arthritic state. Give me the aches, the limping, the endless pain medications and almost constant emotional frustration, but mess with my sleep? Eeeeeevil. So very wrong.

It is now 5:00am at the CNN Headquarters. Apparently today is the 5th anniversary of the Columbine shootings — so very sad. Everyone’s talking about Bob Woodward’s new book and the defensive position the Bush Administration is in and how Bush and Kerry are faring in the latest polls. Yesterday’s 3:00am CNN coverage of TIME’s 100 Most Influential People was much more interesting than this… Oooh. Drowsiness is setting in. Muscles have relaxed a bit. It’s time for Night Rest, take 2. Goodnight, sweet blogging world. May God bless you with 7-8 uninterrupted hours of sleep.

I’ve wanted to see Pieces of April for quite some time now… The trailer looked good — Katie Holmes in very un-Joey dress, her black boyfriend, Patricia Clarkson as the mom — and then the movie brought Clarkson accolades this past year (she was nominated for some award, I believe). Friday night, the film was all I wanted it to be and more. So so good and very real, in that movie kind of way… Every time April had issues with meal prep, I recalled the same problems in my own kitchen experience: slimy poultry, broken oven, dull peeler, unmashable potatoes, on and on. Then you’ve got the family’s drive to NYC in their station wagon — ours was a Pontiac Lemans growing up — that somehow exemplified Everyfamily even as they struggled with both physical and relational dysfunction. And the end, oh the end! Heartache and sadness, poignancy and unity. Redemption. Something about the end just punched us in the gut and we were in tears. Good stuff. Good movie.

Jeremy and I got sucked into “Alias” sometime in Season 1 and we’ve faithfully stayed with it, even though it’s somewhat diminished in quality recently. But tonight reminded me why I like the show… Good spy girl in love with hot CIA agent (currently married to EVIL traitor lady), fights for Passenger-sister she recently discovered, two steps forward and one step back in relating to spy-daddy, utilizing funny Marshall’s geeky genius expertise, killing bad guys and retrieving Rambaldi devices. Ah, all in a day’s work! Syd is a girl who deserves a glass of wine at the end of the day. One more thing… Channel 8, if you ever again cut out at the LAST MINUTE of a very suspenseful television program I’m enjoying to give me unnecessary storm information, I will begin watching 10-11 News for good.

It’s very strange to recognize that your life is changing before your eyes. My life is changing… in a very undesired, uncomfortable, challenging manner… and there’s not much I can do about it. I’m in this period of waiting where I have very few answers, lots of questions and even more bizzare symptoms. The worst thing, in all this struggle, is to see the pain and the hidden grief in my parents’ eyes. They hate this as much as I do, perhaps more. I can only imagine what it’s like to give birth to a child, raise her the best you can, and then see her hit with two autoimmune disorders. Good grief — as if the diabetes isn’t enough for one person to manage — arthritis too?

I go see my rheumatologist next Tuesday and I pray that he has lots of wisdom to offer my situation. I’m just so tired of this… tired of the pain, tired of limping around on sore feet and painful knees, tired of not being able to sleep well, tired of pricked fingers that don’t heal right, tired of feeling discouraged each day.

Life is changing and I’m along for the ride. But praise the Lord, others are along for the ride as well and I am far from alone in this. My parents, already mentioned, have been incredibly supportive and generous. I know they would trade places with me in a heartbeat if they could. The compassion and support given to me by my office has been a huge blessing as well… Twice this week I’ve gotten teary over their kindnesses. And my husband… I don’t even know where to begin regarding his love and care for me. Actually, I won’t record it here — it’s one of those things too precious to share with the world, rather I’ll keep it to myself. God has blessed me AMAZINGLY by partnering me with this man over five years ago.

I find it somewhat therapeutic to write this for my blog. No doubt the content is awkward for some to read, but oh well! It’s my life and my space on the web. So there! ; )

I really wanted to write something on my blog tonight. But the TV Factor chewed up and spit out every creative idea I owned. Several lists were begun… This Girl’s Favorite Things, Things I Want to Own… But Don’t, Lifelong Goals. All for nothing. The Miss USA Pageant is on and I refuse to turn it off. One one hand we have creative writing, on the other? Pageantry. I probably watched pageants before I could write, so it’s a no-brainer which one wins this contest. The odd thing is that I can’t get creative while my television set is on! Music stimulates me. Reading makes me want to both read and write more. Even doing the dishes or laundry generates new thoughts, some that end up on the blog. But TV? Nope. It sucks up my brains and leaves me mindless, a quintessential couch potato. Some agency (APA?) recommends that children under 2 watch no television whatsoever as it can negatively affect their development (take that babysitters and parents!). Maybe that recommendation applies to people over 2 as well.

For now, I’ll post this lame commentary and head back to the pageant. Miss Missouri is from Florissant. Three years in St. Louis demand I root for her.