Salty, stinging, sleepy eyes. Drifting in a heavy half-conscious dream-like state. Unquenchable thirst where room temperature tap water tastes amazingly sweet and refreshing. This is what I feel like when my blood sugar is 372. Which it was 5 minutes ago. God bless the day insulin was discovered.

The body that has normal pancreatic functioning maintains a blood sugar (also called glucose) of 80-120 or so all the time. When I was 16 I entered Bryan Hospital’s pediatric ward with a bs (I love referring to it like that) of over 800, setting a record for the highest glucose reading of any patient walking into the hospital on her own two feet. I think some unfortunate soul broke my record shortly thereafter. The day I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes I nearly fainted during choir rehearsal at school, told the nurse and my mother I felt good enough to drive myself home, promptly went home and ate a humongous piece of fudge. That piece alone probably kicked me from a 600 or so to my record-setting reading several hours later. Mom and I went to our family doctor’s office that afternoon (November 13, 1994 — a day that will live in infamy) praying that God would reveal to us what was wrong with me. And He did.

You know how some people say, “What doesn’t kill you make you stronger!”? I disagree. Diabetes sucks. I’d love to live my life without it.

Diabetes has, however, helped me become a more compassionate, empathetic person who greatly values both the workings of the human body and the incredible God who created all our parts to function as a whole. It also grants me a longing for heaven, when my body will be made perfect again, that I would otherwise complacently ignore. In a way diabetes is my reminder to not get too comfortable this side of glory.

So even though I completely, totally, unequivocally despise the fact that my blood sugars can range from 460 to 35 (my personal highs and lows), I am not left without hope in my struggles. My current 372 is already coming down and I’ll feel normal again in a few more hours.

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good.