This shot was taken a year ago in our old house. As always, in spring I was desperately looking for green things that were blooming and found particular delight in this little clover plant. I feel a little nostalgic while looking at this image. Our house had many beautiful elements to it and this front entryway was one of my favorite spots when the sun began to shine through its windows.

More than anything indoors, I’ll miss watching for the first daffodils that begin to bloom—we’d report on their progress daily. And I’ll miss the first buds of the red bud tree as they announce spring’s arrival. It’s time for others to enjoy those things, and it’s time for me to look and see what’s happening in our new yard. I can’t wait for the sun to start warming up the world again!

Our hotel room on the 11th floor during our last visit to San Francisco.

The room was hot and steamy when we arrived and no thermostat could be found. A maintenance man came in and immediately opened the window to cool it down. No screen. No safety rail. No lock on the window. Lord have mercy, I was not okay with that and thus my sleeping position each night was by the window in order to prevent my 2nd grader from making the 10 o’clock news.

I love a soft white bed piled high with pillows and a crumpled comforter. Something about the light here makes me want to grab a good book and climb under the covers for a few hours.

This week has been dizzying. As one who acutely feels emotions that correspond to seemingly every life event, I’ve been up and and I’ve been down. High and low. Joy and sorrow, all mixed together.

Something in me wants to lay down a very Pollyanna-ish bottom line and declare that sunshine and rainbows are the order of the day. Another part of me desperately wants to acknowledge the rough patches and disappointments, because in them we recognize that we are not alone in the struggles of this life. So here we go: a truthful blog post where I share a bit of both the good and the bad.

Highs:

• Witnessing the amazing red-orange maple tree glowing outside the front door of my friend Chelsey’s house—God made this tree so very alive and it just killed me with its beauty yesterday.
• Snuggling under a down comforter with my daughter and diving headfirst in the world of Harry Potter. Seeing her almost crazy with anticipation to find answers to some of the first book’s early mysteries.
• Enjoying coffee and meals with old friends and new friends.
• Seeing God answer prayer as we restructure small groups at church and feeling his hand upon our desire to glorify him even as we experience growing pains.
• Celebrating babies as they enter into this world and join families—biological and adoptive. It’s a blessing to walk alongside my friends right now.

Lows:

• Acutely feeling the loss of our own baby six years ago (wow, six!) and feeling ever more frustrated by wondering if God wants us to have more children.
• Really really really feeling that last one.
• Trying to make wise decisions for my daughter’s education and struggling to know what’s best.
• Being a grouch in general due to all the lows already listed!

I’m not going to wrap up this post in a lovely bow. But you know what I am going to do now? Go get my hair done. So there, lows—I’m getting my hair cut and maybe colored and I’m going to set aside this week’s sorrows for my entire hair appointment. A girl’s gotta rejoice in the good things, right?

In January 2012 I go see my rheumatologist for an RA appointment. I have new insurance but forget to bring them the card, however I give them the information they need. Within a few weeks I bring an actual insurance card. They copy it.

In April I receive a call from this particular office. My insurance needs more information from me before they will pay the bill. Needless to say, the doctor’s office wants this settled ASAP.

I call my insurance company and apparently there’s some sort of waiver/policy/what-have-you on my plan regarding preexisting conditions. They MUST HAVE proof these conditions were covered for at least 12 months under a previous plan. A phone call is not good enough; they need a letter.

Okay.

I call the old insurance company and go through the rigamarole to have them send a letter of credible coverage to the new insurance company. They won’t do it. It MUST be sent to me first.

Yes, please. This is what we need more of in this world. Why not start using the Pony Express while you’re at it? 3-5 business days for the letter to get to me. Probably another 3-5 days for a photocopy to get to the new insurance company. Then I don’t know how long until my doctor’s office gets paid for my visit *four months ago*.

Is this annoying? Absolutely yes.

Dealing with insurance makes me think it’s not long until I have another condition to add to my list: high blood pressure.

I’ve heard we’ll be changing insurance companies again in 2013. Guess who’s excited about that? This girl!

**Brief but important note: I am incredibly grateful for God’s provisions for me via insurance. I’m a walking-talking example of someone who benefits from good benefits. Still, I reserve the right to complain when they become ridiculous and taxing.

Right now life seems to be moving by too quickly. I want to slow it down, figure out one thing at a time, make peace with a few issues and then move forward with joy.

But I don’t feel like I can figure even one thing out. It’s more like I’m grasping at straws, trying to make sense of too many things in one brief moment. And then, by the end of the day, I feel like I’ve done nothing with excellence.

Must. get. unstuck.

Wherein telephone lines and plum trees become things of beauty…

Daniel Meigs has posted images from Andrew and Jenny’s wedding. Go check them out!

1. Kisses from my seven-year-old.
2. A dinner/movie/watch-the-storm-roll-in date with my husband from last Saturday.
3. A soft white dog who licks up crumbs and chases yard bunnies.
4. Remarkable grace from Christ that covers all my sins.
5. Free ice cream from the Schwann’s man and Runza.

**I’m reading Ann Voskamp’s One Thousand Gifts with women from Redeemer this summer. In the midst of transition, when I’m tempted to complain about the hard things, I’m reminded to consider all I’m thankful for. It’s hard to be a big grouch when you realize how incredibly blessed you are!

A few years ago I came to terms with the fact that I am not an adventure seeker. If someone was to give me the opportunity to parachute out of a plane, I would probably not take it.

More recently I’ve realized that Jeremy and I are not the fixer-upper types. This may seem obvious to some, but as is often the case, I am a bit slower to understand this truth about my husband and me. We are not handy-people, home renovators, etc etc.

What are you NOT? And when did you get comfortable admitting it?