Nine weeks of foster parenting classes together. One life-changing call for the placement of two little boys. Approximately a year and a half of watching them work through the foster care system like champs. Two family photo shoots. One profound and perfect adoption court date. One pregnant belly. Five people in the Cranford family by the end of the day on September 17, 2013 (and yes, I am counting wee Cranford in utero who we’ll meet face-to-face this winter).

Praising God with my friends today.

Today marks the day we became a family nine years ago! Happy Livia Day to our little girl who was first placed in our arms by a loving birthmother and birth grandmother. We are incredibly thankful for their love and grace towards our family, just as we’re incredibly grateful that God orchestrated Liv’s entire adoption.

We love you, Livia!!!

Maralee was invited to give positive parenting tips for a television segment sponsored by Nebraska Children and Families Foundation at NET last week. As any friend-tographer would do (am I spelling that word right, Maralee?), I volunteered to come along and document the experience with my camera. The morning began with makeup and hair by the beautiful Emily Lovelace at Tangled Up Salon, and from there we continued on to the NET studio on UNL’s East Campus.

Look for Maralee’s parenting spots on NET in coming weeks. I’ll put out more information on air times as soon as I can.

I believe in a God who gives grace abundantly to those who need it. I acutely feel the need for it as I fill out paperwork to start up the adoption process for our second child. While I’m exceedingly excited and hopeful to adopt again, the process is an interesting, slightly tedious and detail-filled one. And this is where I praise God for being a God of grace. Because though I wish I had a really laid back personality, one that doesn’t feel the need to sweat the small stuff, I don’t. I tend to worry over the small things. Still, I believe God is in control of the Tredways and that He will take care of the details.

Here’s what is going through my mind as I’m preparing to hand in adoption paperwork.

Regarding the “Dear Birthmom Letter”:
Is my letter alright? I haven’t addressed it to anyone in particular; not “birthmom” and not “birthparents” because I read somewhere that a pregnant woman or a boyfriend of a pregnant woman may not consider themselves parents quite yet and they may find it offensive. And offensive is the last thing I want to be. So I leave “Hello!” as my opening statement. Good enough. But is the letter good enough? Do we sound like loving and devoted parents? Hope so. Do we sound like real people? Sure hope so. Did I include enough about our spiritual lives to interest a family of faith, yet keep it generic enough not to turn off someone who isn’t interested in God? Geez. I can’t please everybody. Good enough. Handing it in. But oh! Should I print it on paper with the cute borders, like the stuff at Kinkos? I don’t own any of that paper and it doesn’t really represent us. But what about catching someone’s eye? Surely I’d find a cute-bordered paper more interesting than plain old white. Stop thinking. Stop worrying. Hand in the letter.

Regarding the profile information:
What is Jeremy’s height? What is his complexion?? If he’s light-skinned, then what am I? (Freckled and pale just doesn’t sound quite right!) What ARE our hobbies? Do we sound too boring? Or too middle American? Or too (fill in the blank)? Would we adopt siblings? Or twins? What about a child with medical needs? How old of a child would we adopt? What if the birthfather used drugs? Abused drugs? Is mentally ill? What if the birthmother used drugs? Abused drugs? Is mentally ill? Would we still adopt the child? Questions upon questions upon questions. Answers, a few guesses, and it’s done. Ready to hand in the profile information.

Deep breath. And here we go! Lord God, we ask for your hand upon us as we await another child for our family.

I absolutely do believe Nebraska needs a Safe Haven law. A few months ago a young woman gave birth at a local hospital, then abruptly left, abandoning her newborn in the safest place possible. I was furious when her picture was posted on the front page of the paper for all to see and point fingers at. If we all want to point fingers, let’s post photos of every parent, both male and female, who has abandoned his/her child in this great state. While it was a sad fact that this young mother left her baby without future plans (like a family through adoption), the child was safe and healthy and well-cared for.

You know what, perhaps I will buy newspaper space in the Journal Star if we don’t pass a Safe Haven Law. It will say:

MY FRONT PORCH IS A SAFE HAVEN. ALL BABIES WELCOME, DESIRED!, AT THE PRAIRIE BOX. MY NAME IS REBECCA, MY HUSBAND’S NAME IS JEREMY, AND WE WILL TAKE YOUR CHILD.

Oh wait. We’ve already said that once haven’t we… Well, there you have it. We will say it again.

I must say I’m kind of jealous of Angelina Jolie’s ability to just go and adopt. If we had limitless funds we’d adopt more babies in a heartbeat. We’ve got the love, the home, the desire… No chunk o’ dinero. Perhaps Bill Gates or Warren Buffet would like to finance future Tredway babies. Hmm…

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This post is a great example of why I sometimes feel like quitting blogging altogether. It comes off as petty (as jealousy usually does!) and revealing of an underlying lust for money that certainly exists in my mind. Also, I did a terrible job of explaining my real thoughts on Angelina Jolie. I think it’s wonderful that she’s adopting a lot of children into her family. How amazing is it that a celebrity uses her significant influence to bless children in impoverished nations? The whole uproar over Madonna’s adoption a while back? Utterly ridiculous in my mind. Trust me, people do not “just go and adopt” as I said above. It takes a lot of time, resources and determination to create a family through adoption.

My initial response to this new Fox reality show is one of repulsion. But, upon remembering my horror some five years ago at the notion of a herd of castaways dropped on an island to “survive”, I’m not too concerned. Television has really changed dramatically in the past five years… Now we’re constantly entertained by supposedly real circumstances. At almost any time of day you can watch a living room renovation, a face peel and rhinoplasty, a game show, a session in court, or a person being tempted to cheat on her partner. I’m not ready to throw it all out just because there’s some bad programming mixed in with the good. But what’s up with Fox? Their stuff seems to be a bit more crass than the rest.

If you’re embarrassed by frank discussions, read no further.

In the past few years I’ve become much more aware of fertility issues due to the fact that Jeremy and I wanted to start a family. A woman’s ability to have a child is a huge deal and is not a subject to be taken lightly. (For the record, and because I have no shame related to this topic, Jeremy and I did not adopt Livia due to infertility. This is one life struggle we haven’t had to deal with. My health concerns and our high regard for adoption were the top two reasons.) Anyhow, I am absolutely convinced that our society’s high level of problems with infertility are mostly environmental. I have all sorts of thoughts on subjects from birth control pills to processed foods, and, as I am no scientist, I am probably wrong on 99% of them. Still, I usually think that infertility is a women’s issue… One article on CNN made me think a little differently. Guys, if you’re reading this from your laptop, well, for the sake of your future offspring, think again about your positioning.

I used to think adoption was simple: There are baby girls in China that need homes? Let’s go get one!

And then reality set in. Private vs. agency. Domestic vs. international. Open vs. closed. (Good luck trying to do a closed adoption domestically. I doubt too many folks do them anymore.) Paperwork for the lawyers. Paperwork for the social workers. Paperwork for the state. Paperwork for the birthparents, which is probably the toughest paperwork of all. It’s a fairly odd challenge, writing “Dear Birthmom” letters and profiles of yourself. What if birthmom was an athlete? Okay, make sure to write about your soccer days. What if she is a Christian? Alright, include something about your beliefs in Jesus Christ. What if she hates Christians? Uh, let’s not go over the top with the Christ talk. One could really go crazy while filling out all the forms. All I can say is that we heavily relied on faith in God’s providence. If He wanted us to adopt a baby, we knew all the paperwork in the world couldn’t stand in our way.

The truth is that the adoption process doesn’t end once a placement occurs. (Isn’t placement a stark word to describe the incredible joy of being handed your new baby?) Usually you’ll have meetings with your social workers, bills from the lawyers, letters and photos passed to the birthparents, new social security cards and birth certificates to order, insurance to arrange. And someday, meaningful adoption conversations with your little one. The process continues.

Adoption is not simple. But adoption IS wonderful. I could write “wonderful” and all it’s synonyms over and over and over on this blog and still not get across how wonderful it is to love and care for Livia. I’ve decided that having a child is like having a chunk of your heart cut from your chest and placed within another little body. There will always be a piece of me within her. My thoughts will never be centered solely on myself again. Forever there will be a part of me in this child. Wonderful.

Huh. We came to the land of Dorothy and Toto last Saturday as two people in love, a married couple with many hopes, fears and anxieties. We leave (this week hopefully) as a little Tredway family, parents with many hopes, fears and anxieties. Amazing stuff, really.

Right now I’ve got this incredibly wonderful babe on my knees. She’s a bit fussy—perhaps she’s going through a growth spurt or something—so I keep my legs swaying, back and forth, back and forth. We’ve achieved a grand total of four days as parents and yet we feel like we’ve loved Livia forever. There is so much for me to write… about the adoption process and how we’ve fared over the last week, about this absolutely adorable pookie, and about our foray in parenthood. Hopefully I’ll have time to write in the next few days. For now we’re praying that we’ll get “the call” to go home to Nebraska and finally get to share this little one with a myriad of friends and family. Thanks to all who’ve hoped and prayed with us.