I’ve been having these days recently (or has it been every day for the last six months?) where I feel like either I’m a really terrible mother or my child is horrifically naughty. It’s gotten to the point where I look around and wonder if other women are feeling as frazzled and harried as I am, or if this is all a big cosmic joke to make me join the nuthouse at a young age. I’m not a person who likes labels (which is probably why I don’t identify myself as a “diabetic” very often), but I’m finding a bit of relief in considering my child strong-willed. There are great aspects to being strong-willed and I look forward to seeing my daughter as someone who knows her own mind and doesn’t easily submit to others’ opinions of her. Yet, I’m thoroughly exhausted by her will these days.

A few things bring great relief to me right now. One, physical breaks from mothering. A consistent quiet time each afternoon helps a lot. Liv has largely disposed of her afternoon nap, but the hour she stays in her room allows me time for refreshment. Preschool twice a week is a tremendous blessing, while Jeremy and my mom are lifesavers and preserve my sanity by letting me go out for coffee or time with girlfriends. Two, good parenting literature. I gave up on reading parenting books a while ago, and now I’m back in the game. Since I like Dr. Kevin Leman’s breezy writing style and Christian worldview, I’m reading Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours. I have a few recommended books which I’ll write about in the future… if I like them, that is. Finally, the third thing that is keeping me sane is conversations with those who have gone before me. Last Wednesday night God put me in the perfect small circle of women who have many years of parenting strong-willed little buggers. I delight in knowing that one of those daughters has turned into a magnificent adult and friend. She gives me hope!

Sometimes I feel shocked by the intense highs and lows of mothering. The highs–the warm cuddles and funny conversations and brilliant observations and adorable looks–are equalled in measure by the lows–the persistent disobedience, the urine on the carseat while potty-training, the tantrums and fake tears. Another mom commiserated on how “poured out” you feel by the end of the day. Consistently caring for another person, no matter what their age, is a huge task that requires personal sacrifice. God is slowly molding me into a better woman. As Jeremy and I raise Livia, we are being trained and taught as well. I take great comfort from the One who is always patient, always loving, and always caring for me:

He tends his flock like a shepherd:
He gathers the lambs in his arms
and carries them close to his heart;
he gently leads those that have young. [Is 40:11]