Today I held a little cherub’s squishy cheeks in my hands while she whispered a secret to me in excitement. Secret Santa kind of secret. She had told me earlier in the day, so full of anticipation that she couldn’t keep the name to herself, but I had already forgotten the name. It floated somewhere in the hard cold winds at one of our three recesses, perhaps getting stuck with a giant piece of cardboard blown in from a neighboring pasture. In one ear, out the other.

The privilege I have in being a secret recipient, a speller of words, a justice of the peace, a reader of stories, a substitute nurse-mom is not lost on me. God whispered something to me, too, last summer, and within days he opened a door. He let me know it was time to work with children again, in some sort of fashion, and that work presented itself in a Facebook post, a phone call, and a Zoom interview–because this is 2021 after all.

God opened the space for me to belong. For years I’ve longed to work on a team and here I am, digging in harder and deeper in a way only God could ordain. The team is more impressive than I had imagined and I’m constantly learning and expanding and figuring out more and more about how humans work in this world. Adults humans and tiny humans, all wobbly and wiggly and awkward and graceful, all manners of wonderful and all sorts of depraved, all at once.

This life is complicated. Sometimes cherubs aren’t so cherubic. I understand this, too, for I am not always cherubic either.

Happy 44 to this face and this body. Happy 44 years to a woman who is insanely loved, not only by her Father God who built her and knows all of her days intimately, but also by an amazing man, a beautiful daughter, her brothers and parents and best friends. I’m grateful for each of my years. To God be the glory, this year and forever.

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Self-portrait snapped as part of the 2018 December Photo Project and re-posted today. I submitted it to an international diabetes organization’s photo call a few days ago so it’s fresh in my mind. This year a re-post will work just fine.