It’s been a heck of a day with my five year old. Personal apologies go out to the patrons of the Coffee House this evening who were witnesses to, first, the screaming fit of my child, then second, the lugging of the aforementioned child’s body out the door by one p’oed mama.
Apologies also to anyone in the downtown parking garage who may or may not have heard me say something like, “If you don’t start walking now, I will leave you behind.” I wouldn’t have done that, I promise. But only because they, too, wouldn’t have known what to do with a 5 year old tantrum-thrower either. Kidding. I’d never leave her behind and darn it, I shouldn’t have said something like that. Argh.
We get home—finally!—and the behavior improves only marginally. She sits on the antique coffeetable, feeds the dog her prime rib dinner and tells me more than once, “No way, Jose.”
Many time-outs, scoldings, and toy removals later, and it’s bedtime. At one time during the bedtime routine, I have to walk away in order to gather my wits and not lose control of myself. Upon returning to her room, she sees that I am nearly crying in exhaustion and sadness and thus commences a conversation about the softness of one’s heart. She is sensitive. She is sad that mommy is so sad.
She tells me that the top parts of her heart (I imagine she’s envisioning a literal heart shape) are soft, but that the bottom grew hard and broke off. It fell off somewhere inside her, but Jesus went in through her nose, took some snot and put her heart back together. With snot. Then wiped the snot off after her heart was repaired. Problem solved. The whole heart is soft now.
That’s not all.
After I pray my somewhat brief bedtime prayer, I hear this:
Dear God, thank you for sending Jesus to go up my nose and fix my heart with snot. Amen.
Now my daughter is asleep. My heart is soft. And I’m still not sure whether I need a stiff drink, a bunch of kleenexes for a hardy cry, or just a good night’s rest. I, too, thank God for sending Jesus to redeem my heart from hardness. I need Him, moment by moment, to fix my brokenness.
13 Comments
Susanna Dec 30, 2009 9:35 PM
Hi! i came over from thehomespunheart and was touched by your bio. We are missionaries with the PCA church in Mexico. Well we come from an OPchurch but are joined with the MTW work here in Guadalajara. It’s great to “meet” you! And I’ve bookmarked you…hope you don’t mind!
also…love this post…i just wrote one about a heckofanight that I had with my 4…although my heart didn’t get soft until I realized my 5 yr old had ACTUALLY broken his finger!! Praise God for His faithfulness to me!
Megan Dec 30, 2009 9:42 PM
I SO sympathize with you here and am sorry you had a tough day.
But can I just say that I actually laughed out loud about the whole snot-repair business thing?
That was some kind of brilliance right there.
Jen Dec 30, 2009 11:12 PM
I remember those times. You will get through it, Rebecca. Promise.
christine Dec 30, 2009 11:43 PM
Best Post Ever. It made me laugh and cry. Love, hugs, tears and cheers. cw
Sarah M Dec 31, 2009 9:02 AM
shoot, I hate days like that. what a perfect little way to describe how much we need Jesus. I love it, thanks for sharing, RT, and have a really good long weekend with plenty of rest…and maybe a stiff drink or two :) !!
Sarah
Christina Dec 31, 2009 9:35 AM
A few years ago I got to talk to bible translators in Papua New Guinea and there is a passage of scripture when translated properly means”Jesus wraps his insides around you.”…like intestine insides… I certainly think that snot has to be in the bible somewhere in some language to describe Jesus’ love.;) AND your blog post totally didn’t scare me off from next weekend. I’m excited about hanging with your little one, snot, tantrums and all.
Kerri Dec 31, 2009 10:26 AM
Beautiful, Rebecca. Snot and all.
Especially the snot. :)
Haley Dec 31, 2009 3:48 PM
I was about ready to leave Kate in Target yesterday, so you’re not the only one. Some days are like that. But the art is to still recognize the funny stuff even when you need that stiff drink … and the snot repair business is hilarious. Thanks for sharing. Hope today was a good day.
alina Jan 3, 2010 4:20 PM
This is so great, Rebecca. Love your writing here. I’m always surprised that some of my better writings come when I’m completely beat.
Sarah Jan 4, 2010 2:52 PM
matt and i are still quoting this one! loved it.
Jamie Jan 6, 2010 3:09 AM
I miss Liv. And this made me cry. -bryan
tasha Jan 16, 2010 6:05 AM
to hear the way a child thinks jesus works is great medicine for the soul!!
Jamie Jan 28, 2010 7:08 AM
wow! didn’t know bryan already commented.. i’m late on getting to post reading these days, but i LOVED this one. i’m so with you, becs.