I had grand visions of how life with a child would be before, of course, life with the child actually began. One of my objectives was to never be one of those moms who hovered nervously in the house after putting their baby to sleep. You know, the ones who talk in hushed tones so that any visitors feel guilty for speaking above a whisper. I had heard friends say, “Oh, during naptime I run the vaccum, talk on the phone, do whatever just so my baby gets used to sleeping with noise!” I prepared myself for a child that would sleep through the loudest storms of a Nebraska spring, a baby that would catch all her zzz’s while guests partied loudly one floor below her nursery.

And it kind of worked that way, for a little while.

Livia took easily to a schedule and even easier to sleep when she was an infant. But around age three everything changed. She became very particular about her surroundings (no more sleepovers at Nana’s) and even began to wake up for hours on end in the middle of the night. Fast forward almost two years and I realize how easily patterns are set. Our rituals today look absolutely nothing like those fantasies I had in my pre-mom days. And while I sometimes value those notions of late night guests, friends staying over until all odd hours for food and games and chatting, I have to admit, I like the way things are now.

I’ll chalk up the change to very active days. Our daytime schedule involves answering the ever-present question, “What are we going to do for fun?” Whether the the fun is play-dough, baking with Mommy, or a playground visit, I’m ready for fun of my own by 8 o’clock every evening. Apparently my definition of “fun” has also changed since pre-mom days. It’s now expanded to include alone time, something I used to consider very un-fun. While I still enjoy having people over in the evenings, I kind of need them to leave by Liv’s bedtime. After exuding so much energy in taking care of her, I usually don’t have a lot left over to dish out. And that’s okay for now.

Besides, when I do want to interact after 8:00pm (that is, with folks other than my husband who is perfectly content to curl up on the couch with a good tv show) it’s a special night out. Leave the kid with a babysitter, put on something sparkly and hit the town. It’s a reminder of who I am apart from Mommy, and boy does it feel good.

So I guess I’m saying, yes, it’s true, I’m something of a hovery, whispery mother come the moment my child’s head hits her pillow. Forgive me… It’s just that I don’t want her to wake up because I’m having so much FUN.