The length of our days has increased lately. Somehow the hours between 8am and 8pm have lengthened and by the time we put Livia to bed at night, I feel like I’ve run a few marathons. I’m thinking this strange phenomena has something to do with summer vacation, extended daylight hours, and a four year old who prefers Mommy as her constant playmate. These marathon days have stretched me—sometimes I have stepped up to the challenge (thinking, only 45 minutes until bedtime!) and sometimes I have collapsed under the weight of feeling like a director of activities on a cruise ship. Last Friday was a day of collapse where I woke up feeling overwhelmed before the day even began. I cried on the phone to Renae, then called my favorite pinch hitter, my mom, who came to my rescue. After sleeping three and a half hours and feeling like I had hit rock bottom, life got easier. I needed to step back from the swirling emotions that overwhelmed me to realize that a few changes needed to be made, both with my expectations of myself and of my days with Livia. Superwoman, or even competitive marathon runner, I am not.

I’d like to write a tidy blog post on how I’ve learned to balance my days, how I’ve realized the value of community and of asking for help, how I’ve finally learned that God gives grace when I need it. But I’d be exaggerating a happy ending for the sake of a writing exercise. I still feel a huge need to balance the dishes and the laundry, my child’s academic future and her need for boundaries, my work with Redeemer and my evenings with my husband… In fact, while thinking of all I need to do, I get a tightness in my chest. But somehow rational thoughts must overcome the ever-present to-do list. Life is more than finding a balance. It has less to do with checking items off a list and more to do with glorifying God in each moment. So as I sit and write, ignoring the junk pile to my right that demands organization, I’ll seek to find joy amidst the mess. I’ll try to walk the marathon(s) today and not try to figure out how to make it through tomorrow’s race quite yet.

At the same time, I’ll continue to look forward to preschool this fall, shorter days, and, if God sees fit, a sibling and playmate for Livia.

Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things [food, clothing, etc] will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:33-34