I’m wondering where my Extroverted self has gone. I still see traces of it when I go next door for supper or when I talk to friends at church. I still get kind of wound-up and energized after those times. But who is this new Rebecca, the one who mutters to herself and oftentimes wonders how long she has been carrying on an internal dialogue and not speaking out loud once, thereby unintentionally damaging the verbal development of her firstborn? Who is this girl who is completely wiped out by 9:30pm even though she got eight hours of sleep the night before and spent most day at home with her child? Who is this wife who, after dining and watching Alias with close buddies, runs home to the computer, doesn’t want to talk much with her dear husband, and deeply cherishes her quiet, alone time? Where, oh where, has my E gone?
Maybe I’m just tired. Maybe I’m worn out by this ball of anxiety sitting deep within my chest. Maybe I’m spending too much time at home alone, not stirring the creative juices by interacting with the outside world. The problem is, even when I do get out, I’m greatly distracted by mommy/caretaking responsibilities. After asking two questions during Alias about missed nitty-gritty details, I shut up. Feeding Livia her bedtime bottle and keeping up with the specifics in plotline were just too much for me to handle, I guess. Julie, the friend joined for the tv show, says all the multitasking wears you out. I believe her. She has two girls under two years of age and her life is one big multitasking job.
For now I will let E rest a bit and attempt to embrace my inner I. Goodnight, my dear Blogland. I apologize for the recent one paragraph posts and simple photographs. It’s all my I self can handle right now.
10 Comments
bethany Jan 20, 2005 4:07 PM
Good thoughts, RT. I think it’s natural for E- and I-ness to shift in different seasons of life. Big life changes seem to throw people in the opposite direction to some degree. Most of the people I’ve talked to feel they’ve become more introverted/extroverted in college if they were more extroverted/introverted, respectively, in high school. And I can definitely see how having a baby would sap you of that E energy, when all your time and energy is going into shaping a little person.
JR Jan 20, 2005 4:19 PM
Rebecca,
I think the E now stands for exhausted. Ain’t motherhood great. Just for perspective, Debbie’s mom had six kids in eight years. Yowzer.
JR
Jason Jan 20, 2005 10:04 PM
Join us…
RT Jan 20, 2005 10:23 PM
…on the Dark Side? Never! ; )
Actually, I kept clicking on your website, Jason, to see what the heck “join us” meant. When my brain began working again (a full two minutes after opening Safari, quite tragic really), I figured out who “us” is. If you find me spending hours writing code for my blog or sorting MTG cards while tucked away in a dark room far away from other people, well, let’s just say something is very very wrong.
Thanks for your encouragement, B and JR. Mommyhood is doing some strange and beautiful things to me.
Jacinda Jan 21, 2005 4:46 PM
Without fluctuations to either side, no “normal” could be properly devised…
RT Jan 21, 2005 6:18 PM
Good point, Jacinda.
By the way, do you have a cousin or other relative (long lost sister, perhaps) working at J’Maries Bridal Shoppe? I totally thought I saw you last night!
Craig Jan 21, 2005 11:07 PM
I’ve certainly never been accused of being an extrovert, but I, too, have felt myself becoming even more and more introverted than I already am as I’ve gotten older.
For me, I think part of it is due to comparable schedules/stages of life (we have little ones as well, four girls six and under), but part of it is also due to my cynicism that says I’ve made all the friends I’m going to make, so what’s the point?
This cynical view of the world is going to change fairly drastically in a couple of months when we move and are “forced” to make new friends, as we’ll be leaving so many here. But I still wonder if I’ll be able to adjust and re-learn what it’s like to make friends (and not just acquaintances) again.
Strangely (sadly?), I, like Megan (my wife), and possibly you (at least from what we read in your post), have found some interesting people in blogworld who, while we’ve never met personally, feel like we know them and their worlds because they take the time to communicate to us about them in detail and real time. It’s bizarre, but comforting as well.
So all that to say, enjoy your time…and keep us posted (if you want to) about what you’re learning about yourself and your world in the process. It’s interesting and we like you, extroverted or introverted (it reads much the same). We’re not Tredway stalkers, just fans.
Jacinda Jan 21, 2005 11:14 PM
None that I know of! But then, my mother AND father are both adopted. SO, there could be people out there who look like me that I don’t know. AND a child that was purportedly my father’s was put up for adoption when I was younger. But I think it was a boy…so I don’t think it was someone I’m related to. I WiSH it was me at J’Marie’s last night! I am totally itching to do the marriage thing.
RT Jan 24, 2005 12:25 PM
Hey Craig and Megan! I’m glad you’re not Tredway stalkers, by the way. I really wish you all the best of everything as you move to St. Louis to start seminary. I had such a strange experience there as I moved there one week after getting married, was still working on my Bachelors degree, and had no idea I was an ESFJ and my husband an INTP! Yowsa. Even now I wonder about how to make deep, long-lasting friendships and am a bit panicked about it because my two best girlfriends are moving. The upside is that their departures open doors in my own heart for new people and deeper relationships with friends I already have.
These thoughts have been bouncing around my mind for some time now… Sorry if they don’t completely make sense!
Jeremy Jan 24, 2005 12:33 PM
I must say, it was quite a revelation to discover we were exact opposites on the Myers-Briggs continuum. A very good revelation, mind you, for it explained some of the difficulties experienced in that first year.
Beck, I hope it’s not my fault that your E has gone “missing.” While I believe it’s a good thing to balance each other, I would be sad if you lost the wonderful personality that I fell in love with.